Here I am, sitting in the dark, feeling so lifeless inside. Everywhere I look, I see smiles and laughter and small talk in the corners of the gathering that my aunty’s place is famous for. Some looking for compatible rishtas. Others discussing the weather, politics, the latest collection from Sana Safinaz.

And yet, I have no words to share and no thoughts to speak out loud. Sometimes I wish someone knew the messed up thoughts inside my head without me having to spell it out for them. Sometimes I wish I had a friend who would call me out of the blue because they could sense that talking to a friend is what I needed at the moment. Sometimes…

My list of wishful thinking doesn’t end here. Even the tiniest things put me off. Like sharing something with a friend, and when they don’t say what you wanted to hear. Maybe they’re being a good friend. But sometimes you just want to rant, to clear your head. Don’t you? Or is it just me?

A letter to myself

Hello love,

I know how you feel right now.

I see you in the mirror and I know you don’t see the woman that I see, standing before me. You see imperfection. And you see unhappiness. you see eyes that don’t crease at the same angle, you see a nose that’s too short, and one crooked tooth that’s yellower than the rest. You notice the dark outer line on your lips and think your round face is too round to be called pretty – so why would anyone want you? When there are prettier women all around?

Why would you be noticed when you have no talent, no skill? You have a decent job. But you aren’t a pro at it. You at best are slightly better than mediocre. That’s what you see in the mirror.

You see loneliness and you fear it so much it even haunts your dreams- your dreams always involve of searching for someone to love, someone who would love you back. I know all the times you’ve managed to bite your tongue today to stop yourself from screaming, I know the moments you jerked your brain to stop judging someone else or some situation. I know the pain in your heart – when you think you’ll rip open all the raw scars only to let the wounds half heal themselves. You are too repetitive in your ways to deal with this pain…

You. In clothes that aren’t your size because you’re in between sizes – that is another struggle – When you enter the office, or walk through the bazar or on the pavement …you imagine 20 pair of eyes on yourself – you fight the anxiety – you gulp down the knot that builds in the back of your throat – trying not to succumb to the anxiety – to not feel out of place.

To you, belonging means everything. So even in places where you are wanted – you want all the attention , you want it without asking. You crave it and you crave nearness in ways that are hard for other people to understand.

You want there to be no room for air with the one you want – you need the other person to consume your thoughts with their own mind and quiet down the voices wrecking havoc inside. You want them to feel your insecurities and to fight them away with assurances, to be your hero even though you don’t approve of asking for help – yet your heart and your brain beg to be cared for – most of all you want your heart to be held and shielded from your own mind – shielded with warmth and love that isn’t just physical but has an echo, an afterglow, a loving care that leaves the brain happily numb.

A love like this and the desire to be cared for a certain way won’t ever leave – and knowing you might never be loved like this tears at your heart even more. But there’s something that keeps you hoping – keeps you going, moving on, (anyone would hardly call your steps forward graceful), but you are moving – you’re going to try to make it to the next day – a loveless day you think, but at the same time feeling slightly lesser hatred for your own self.

Don’t be fooled by “THE CATERERS” – A review

Two weeks ago, my sister got married. We had signed up a caterer by the name of “The Caterers”. The person we were dealing with, Adnan Saeed Zai (MD) assured us that he would take care of all the decorations, the food and everything at the venue.

What we were shown in the pictures while deciding the venue arrangements was this: (please copy paste into separate URL to see)

We made certain changes according to preferences and finalized the settings.

About the food, I requested a sampling of the menu first, which they promptly complied with the same night. (Very efficient right? And the food was absolutely delicious)

So it was decided. Our total budget came to 5 lacs, 40 thousand rupees to accomodate 600 people.

Which included:
Reception drinks – lemonade
appetizers – fried wontons
LED lights over each alternate side panel
lamps near the entrance
complete carpeting over the lawn (this was a must because the wedding was at Maritime Lawn, which is very uneven)
stage flower arrangement
flower centerpieces for each table
a marquee covering the entire premise
a proper entrance to hide the unwanted view of mounds of sand and construction on the sides
a decent menu with ice cream for desert

2 days before the wedding we went and confirmed and made the final complete payment (yes, my abbu is that shareef and trusting). The manager suggested that since the weather was so humid we should get fans, fancy mist throwing ones cost Rs.1000 each and regular plastic fans cost Rs.200 each.

1 day before the wedding, it rained like anything. We decided to remove the marquee because it would weigh down if it rained again. The manager said he’ll refund the money for marquee. Our expected guest list exceeded 600 and we got arrangements re-done for 700. He asked about the fans again and we decided to get 20 fans for 10,000 more.

Total Budget: 6 lacs

At 6:30, the lawn was still barren.
Side panels weren’t even up.
Our event had to start at 8:30pm.
There was one line of DIRTY carpets running in the center. Carpets were overlapping each other, the ends of which were completely torn and ripped and looked like they had been used in a war zone.
The only lights in the entire area were little hanging lights, LEDS were missing, the fans were metallic and most of their covers were broken and TIED WITH THIN ROPE.
We got the fans removed – for which we were promised refund by the manager’s assistant at the venue,
Flower arrangement was not what we asked for but improvised when I requested the florist then and there
The manager was nowhere to be seen.

Welcome drinks – lemonade turned out to be water and suger, with nothing that could be called lemony.

Appetizers – wontons were served to 50 people or less. out of which the groom and his father didn’t get any.

Once dinner was served, the food turned out to be excellent as promised (generally the only thing that matters to guests, so Alhumdulillah for that!)

But the attitude of the waiters was extremely disappointing. An uncle overheard one waiter telling another that he had stowed the cold drinks and replaced with the “halki wali crates” after the first round

Mom was accompanying dad’s boss’s wife to the buffet table where the live tandoor was. The waiter told them there wasn’t any left and to get naan from across the lawn. Mom asked him to get it for them to which he refused and said “ap khud jaake lelein”

Oh, and the waiters stole 2 big cartons of ice cream when they were packing remainder of the food.

We went to The Caterers the next morning with the empty deghs from the previous night.
My mother and aunt Fauzia Mohammod told him every single detail as mentioned above. we ranted for almost an hour.

He did not move a muscle. Or even LOOK apologetic. At the end, his response: “jee ap 50 logon ki dawat karlein, khana humari taraf se”

That’s it. That’s all he had to say for the bad experience and service we got. Mom asked him for a refund (For the marquee and fans that were removed) – NOT GRANTED. :”Humari policy nahin hai”

Mom started to cry out of anger and we got up and left without returning the deghs. I have never seen such a stone hearted person who could be so deceitful and pompous. May Allah protect us from such people.

Adnan Saeed Zai
I may forgive you for all the bad experiences that day, but I won’t forgive you for cheating my dad for his money and exploiting him for his sharafat and upsetting my mother to the extent that she cried and cursed your business and prayed that it shut down. I pray you learn a lesson and stop fooling people for their money.

The World of Maybelline!


Maybelline recently celebrated a century of makeup revolution worldwide. Being a Maybelline girl myself, I decided to pay tribute to the brand with a lil poetry 🙂 




Beauty in a hundred years

Has been revamped by Maybelline

So now its celebrating things

From the past, future and unseen

The Gatsby era was the preamble

To makeup revolution

Creating flushed cheeks and rosy lips

What a wonderful solution!

Mabel William was the woman

Behind the crazy dream

She made it happen anyway

With powder, pencil and cream

We’ve been around

For so long

We’ve had the best run

With women so strong

A pout of color

A sweep of big lashes

A touch of rouge

And bold camera flashes

That’s the world of Maybelline New York

Filled with a rush of adrenaline


Photo Credits: True Photography


Have You Thanked God for this Life?

Be Grateful:

  1. If you have a roof over your head, and shelter from the heat, cold, rain.
  2. If you have loved ones around you
  3. If you have two or more square meals a day
  4. If you have had an education
  5. If you can read, write and speak
  6. If you are not physically handicapped
  7. If you have money in the bank and spare change in your pocket
  8. If you have more clothes and shoes than needed
  9. If your country is not at war
  10. If you are not fearful of being attacked, shot at or raped
  11. If you are safe from diseases and have good health
  12. If you have friends
  13. If you have ever fallen in love and know what it feels like to be special
  14. If you have clean drinking water
  15. If you have a job
  16. If you earn, even a little
  17. If you have been brought up in a loving home by parents who are devoted to each other
  18. If you have understanding with your spouse, and even when you argue, it is settled with love
  19. If you have children
  20. If you don’t have to worry about whether you will receive your next paycheck
  21. If you have good neighbors
  22. If you have people who miss you when you are not around
  23. If your job empowers you and have colleagues who encourage you to do your best
  24. If you see others who are struggling, and try to help or lend them kind words
  25. If you are alive and breathing at this moment.

If you relate to even 10 of these reasons to be grateful, it is time you stopped worrying or feeling low about not having a perfect life. You are in a better place than most of the people around the world.



So all you need to do is thank God for this life and say “I’m blessed!”


A State To Hate

One of those days when everything seems to be too much.

Its like somebody has torn you open and left you to bleed until you are feeling-less and numb. Its a fuzzy nothingness yet painful and an undesirable state of existence. Who would want to be with someone like that? And yet, it is this very person who needs somebody to understand, to look through the “I’m fine” and “nothing happened” Someone to hold on to and cry, someone to just sit and listen and push through all the layers and make you realize “I’m here.”

Life is good to everyone, tough for some. Sometimes all a person facing a rough days needs, is to be ensured that nothing good or bad, stays forever. And that there is light at the end of every tunnel.

Happy 5th Birthday, Dear Niece

Dear child, you are still too young to read and understand these words and the feelings behind them. But maybe one day you will know what it feels like to have a niece as sweet and special as you. And in your honor, I write these few lines.

You are special cos you are the first child

You are special cos you taught your siblings about sharing

You are special cos you are an artist in the making

You are special for being a source of Rehmat (blessings) for your home

And you are special cos a niece always is.


Fama khala

Just Another Poem

An acquaintance asked me to write a poem for someone very special and close to his heart. This is what I came up with:
You make me smile when I have no hope

You make me laugh when I hate the world

You make me see good in everything

And you complete me just by being in my life


You bring me up with your strength

When I am down on my knees

When I am scared to take a chance

You push me to do my best


You help, you understand

Yes we fight every now and then

But it goes to show

we’re still very much in love


You’re my best friend and my soulmate

We make a great team

I’d be nothing without you

to brighten up my days


So hurry up and wish for something

Because I’ll make it come true

Even if I have to go

To the ends of the earth


I’ll do anything and be anything

As long as I have you by my side

Today and forever,

Many happy returns 🙂

To My Dadi

She is one strong woman; raised 8 amazing children, buried 4 while they were still young, saw 2 wars, gave birth to her 2nd child in a refugee camp. She sent away 5 of her kids to the US for a better future, taught herself to speak English to close the communication gap between her and her Mexican daughter-in-law, volunteered in Red Cross Hospital in Oklahoma, today she is living in Karachi, surrounded by people who love her and admire her humbleness and courageous yet graceful stance in this world. Dadi, you are my symbol of strength. I can never put into words what your presence means to us. But I still tried


Not everyone is so lucky to have living grandparents

But I’m the luckiest to have a grandmother like you!

You are God’s gift, a beautiful soul of wisdom and experience


A soft-spoken person who spreads love and warmth

A teacher who teaches without lecturing or scorn


A support for your children and an inspiration for mothers

The pillar of our family, and courage for us brothers and sisters


When we are sad or worried, you bring us to our feet

You pray for our health, success, future & to do good deeds


I cannot explain in words what your presence means to us

You listen to all our problems without any fuss


Your love and prayers are the life of this household,

Without you, this home would be empty, dull and only a house


Thank you for all the selfless love, care, prayers all these years

You make all the problems and worries disappear.